Waiting for a Shot at Motherhood Part Two

Hello Friend,

Today is Mother’s Day. So I would like to offer a beautiful Mother’s Day to the many women that I have met. My mommy for sure, my beautiful friends that are new moms,  the moms that are tired, yet so strong changing diapers and soothing sweet babies, the mothers in my family, adoptive mothers, step mothers, mothers who have lost their children, babies sleeping and miscarriage. All Mother’s on this day I am thinking of you. Also, to the women in waiting for their shot at motherhood, I am thinking of you.  Motherhood is not a one size fits all! It is so diverse and I feel it is very personal on how each indiviudual sees the day. Some want to celebrate, some want to sleep the day away, some share it with their fur babies, any way you want it I support you! You are valid on this day!

I just finished reading my Waiting for a Shot at Motherhood Part One I find that this day offers me a special time to sit down and reflect. Reflect on my fertility journey thus far and my own journey through grief, healing, and acceptance from our most recent pregnancy loss in January this year. Also, just a reflection on the grand life changes that the universe has offered me.

Brief catch up since last year’s Mother’s Day. I would find out after that I experienced a chemical pregnancy (A pregnancy that has not been yet dated) I would seek the help of a local acupuncturist that would change my fertility journey and offer me the greatest support and wisdom. My energies would slowly begin to close inwards as I would focus less on others. Yes, this sounds selfish but completely necessary. Last year I filled my schedule with work, volunteering, and yoga. Even though I enjoyed it all it was depleting my energy. Now I find myself to be very selective on where I spend my energy. My husband and I became stronger than ever as we leaned, and supported each other. After our adventure to Europe where we recharged, connected and supported each other we would be faced with a multitude of obstacles. Our first OBGYN appt to investigate our unexplained infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. Countless blood draws, ultrasounds and one HSG procedure (which was no picnic) And our first round of fertility medications. Though these were not comfortable I knew with every cell of my being that the pain, the discomfort of all of this is WORTH IT ALL! That there helped me push through it. A fun trip with friends to Montreal and then returning home to find ourselves with a BFP (Big Fat Postive on a pregnancy test) Christmas was ultra sweet that year. Though our baby was only with us for a short while we do not forget. The beginning months of 2017 I would dive inwards and heal from the depression and anxiety and we would continue to try for our baby with a few more rounds of fertility medications. I honestly saw the biggest changes in myself that I was not aware of. Personally, meditation and the marriage of Eastern and Western fertility help would help me on this journey. One awareness that I was able to see was once my depression was lifted and I began to live and love my life with full passion and enthusiasm, the pain of the past two years began to soften. I was able to see gratitude for my life on a much grander scale and it served me and my whole self very well.

So now here we are. Mother’s Day. I became a Mother with our first pregnancy which I would find out I was pregnant on Mothers Day 2015,  the second loss, to be honest, I have a harder time connecting as I learned I was pregnant after the miscarriage. Though, I became a mother again in December. It is interesting, all the pregnancy books that are on my bookshelf all say the similar phrase. “When a woman find out that she is pregnant she becomes a mother.” And this statement is very true, I became a mother when I saw my baby on an ultrasound or when I saw the pregnancy test.

Though if I am a mother, and my babies are not walking this Earth can I celebrate Mother’s Day? This offers torment to me and to many women in similar shoes walking their own but familiar paths. If you are like me you worry about the judgments your friends, peers, and family will say. The truth of it is, they do not matter. This is a personal decision. It is what you feel comfortable with. If you know you are a Mother and wish to celebrate then please do so! If you wish to wait for your child to be Earth side before you choose to then let no judgments touch you and I hope that day comes soon for you!

I recognize myself as a Mother, I do not celebrate it in the sense that I will when my children are here. No card, no flowers but just that feeling in my heart “You are a Mother and your spirit babies love you”

If you find yourself reading this and you do not fully understand please let go of judgment. Many mothers myself included have lost so much already please do not take this either. Thank you kindly. 

Wherever you stand on this day know that you are not alone while you wait for your shot at motherhood. I am thinking of you dearly. You are so beautiful inside and out, you are so important and your spirit babies love you dearly.

If you are reading this I invite you to take a moment and close your eyes.

Connect with your breath the inhales and exhales.

Start to bring your thoughts to motherhood. Allow the thought to turn into the energy of love. RICH DEEP LOVE. Your own beautiful motherly love. And exhale this love out to yourself, to your own family and to your future spirit babies.

Sending you Fertile Blessings

Xoxo

Darrien

 

Photo Credit: Mellissa Receveur PhotographyMinnieD_Creative2017_MRP-3

Pineapple Lovin’

Day 45

#darriens100daysofhealing #selfcaredarebear | Pineapple Lovin’

Just a Reminder

“Be Like a Pineapple 

Stand Tall 

Wear a Crown 

and 

Be Sweet on the Inside”

I  skipped to the supermarket and saw this delicious beauty!
Pineapple or how the French would say “ananas” YUMM! Let me tell ya, I have eaten so many pineapples in the last 7 months than I have in my entire life previous to TTC. Eat it how you like, freshly sliced, fruit salad or on pizza it’s undeniable that this fruit is a Fertility Queen! You may have seen a friend with an obsession with this golden fruit and maybe she just likes it or maybe there is a hidden reason.

The pineapple has become a symbol of the TTC community. Ok… I will back it up. What is TTC you ask? TTC stands for ‘Trying To Conceive’ A community of thousands of men and women who have been trying to create their beautiful and sweet baby, as well as health professionals that help these couples and raise awareness for fertility issues, miscarriage, baby loss, IVF, IUI, and more. As you are aware I have been very forthcoming with my journey it is coming up on two years and three pregnancy losses. Though at times I am crushed I find strength in so many uplifting things and people. So I dedicate this day of healing to the magnificent pineapple. I want to stand tall like a pineapple and speak out! Why should we hide it? Yes, it’s hard to tell others and yes it is hard to walk this path and feel alone. Trust me you are not alone and your journey matters. It matters to me and it matters to thousands of other couples who all share the same dream. When you are feeling down just picture a strong pineapple.

The pineapple is a pillar of strength a symbol that traditionally means warm welcoming, friendships, and self-assurance/ confidence, it is a hidden power for the hundreds of women on my Instagram. Which when I entered this new realm I was greeted with a warm welcoming and I have experienced friendships blossom from all over this globe! Which has boosted my confidence and given me strength and hope that my shot at motherhood is coming.

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Pineapple and “A Pineapple a Day” Card from Conceivable Designs 

 

Most of my acquaintances from the TTC tribe all have either gobbled up the pineapple core or they have an adorable pineapple artistic print, charm or ornament that is a respersentation  of their journey. And if they don’t they are probably searching for one!
In my home you might discover a card from Conceivable Designs, (Which I plan to  frame)  an adorable pineapple pen from my sister in Montreal and a cutie pootie pair of Victoria Secret: Pink Undies

Additionally, every month around this same time I come home with a golden pineapple.  I eat pineapple and its entire core every month around ovulation. Some studies have said that it is a fertility superfood. This is due to the high contents of the enzyme Bromelain.

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The benefits of Bromelain:

  • A Natural aspirin to thin blood and prevents blood clots (Which in my specific case is helpful since my blood tends to clot, which could explain my recurrent pregnancy losses)
  • Promote help for the fertilized egg to implant into the uterus
  • Pain reliever
  • Anti-inflammatory
  • Great source of Vitamin C and Minerals such as Magnesium

Steps to Your Success:

  1. Get an organic (preferably) Pineapple
  2. Remove the outside of the pineapple
  3. Cut the pineapple in slices, important to leave the core since the highest Bromelain are there.
  4. After you have confirmed ovulation or had an IVF, IUI transfer you can begin to eat a couple slices a day.
  5. Enjoy!

IMPORTANT TTC FACT: Careful not to eat too much before ovulation since it can change the acidity of your body which might make it inhospitable to sperm.

Sending you good vibes and baby dust

Xo

Darrien

References: 

http://natural-fertility-info.com/bromelain-pineapple-for-implantation.html

http://www.carleymendes.com/blog/pineapple-for-conception-brazil-nuts-for-implantation 

Book 100 Best Health Foods: The Ultimate superfoods for healthy living including 100 nutritous recipes By Love Food 2009 

Self Care Dare Bear

‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’

Looking back I do not think I could have been prepared at all for next two years. I would not have believed anyone. Now here I stand the two-year mark is quickly approaching and still no baby in my arms. What have I learned in this time? What have I accomplished if I do not have my baby with me?Well, the answer is a lot of deep reflection and self-discovery. The events of my miscarriage have supercharged me to grow, fight and learn more about myself. A very unexpected journey. Which is so interesting that one of my titles of a blog was “An Unexpected Journey” And this fertility journey seriously has become the unexpected journey. It started with a dream and with many twists and turns, ups and downs we still with the dream and we are still on the journey. 

August of 2015 months after my miscarriage I was still in a horrific state. This was when not many knew I was pregnant or that I had a miscarriage. The fertility journey was still new and well it was laced with hope and despair. I was green in my thinking that I would become pregnant quickly and I would have a baby the following year. I was still having post effects from the miscarriage and my whole self-mind body and soul were in rough shape. I was in poor physical shape my body was sending me obvious un-wellness signals that I failed to take notice, mentally I was having difficulty sleeping fighting insecurities about losing the baby and anxiety and pain become my closest company. My health and wellness were very compromised and I didn’t have a full understanding of why. What was happening to me? 

Doctors really did not prepare me for hormone imbalances and the emotional impact of losing a baby. I realized that women respond to miscarriage differently. With my first, I took a few days to just let my body physically heal but it was not enough. I dove back into my regular intense daily routine and I did not stop. I felt like I could not stop. I see that I was running away not healing and cleaning the wounds out. This all caught up to me. I remember the big break down. I remember where I was I remember all the thoughts that attacked my brain.

It was later that week I was seen by a counselor. I started talking about everything other than my miscarriage. My family, my work, all the other “problems” of course she knew about the miscarriage but I didn’t speak of it. She then looks at me kindly and asks if I do any self-care. I laughed. I have hobbies that I do I replied.

She dug deeper on those said hobbies and asked how often I take time out of my day to do them. I said I haven’t been. And I have been so consumed with work or other areas of life to still realize what I needed. Reflection on this would tell you that I was ignoring my body. All the signals and alarms that I was in tremendous need of self-care.

My counselor began to explain to me that “self- care” is adding fuel to the tank. Adding fuel and energy for me to drive my body. You can not drive anywhere on an empty gas tank. This simple message really blew me out of the water. I have never thought about that like that. I needed to take care of myself so I can live life and then, in turn, help other people. I guess… I have a tendency to be very giving. Even on flights I was always questioning putting on your oxygen mask first then assisting others. This did not make sense to me.

So I returned home and thought how can I take care of myself? How can I fill my fuel tank that has been running on fumes for far, far too long?

I look back today and my Self Care Dare I challenged myself August 2015. This is my story on how that 18 days I was able to care for myself as a mother would, inspire, challenge and nurture my mind body and soul. I look back and I like the person that I have become. I thought I had already started the fertility journey months previous but I realize now that the Self Care Dare was only the beginning. I had to start somewhere.screen-shot-2017-02-03-at-3-55-57-pmScreen Shot 2017-02-03 at 4.05.45 PM.png

The Start of the Dare & Two Weeks Off Two weeks of self-care #selfcaredare Intention #1 Fulfillment: If you look to others for fulfillment you will never be truly fulfilled- Buddha

Intention #2 Balance- Comes in the moment you stand up for the life you truly want by making choices that align with that life’ #inner peace #balance #selfcaredare #yoga #mediate #malabeads

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Intention #3 Fear to Safety every morning I wake up to this altar full of some important things and teachings. Keeping me grounded to what counts ‘People have a hard time letting go of their sufferings. Out of a fear of the unknown they prefer suffering that is familiar.’ #selfcaredare #alter #mediate #morning

Intention #4 seeking guidance from my angels at @injoystudioandboutique Openness- open mind, open heart #selfcaredare #mediate #answersinside

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Intention #5 Friendship- we don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason. @chelseamarj #anamcara #selfcaredare lovely having lunch with you today!

Intention #6 Bravery- Be Brave, Take Risks. Nothing can substitute experience- Paulo Coelho . I found myself being told I cannot do things and I understand the advice is coming from a loving place but I chose to silence those kind opinions and challenge myself. Lots of people thought it was crazy for me to drive alone from PG to Vancouver. I found it very relaxing with my great playlist. 🎧🎶I realize I hold the keys to my life. #keystolife #selfcaredare #soloroadtrip #brave

 screen-shot-2017-02-03-at-4-21-47-pmscreen-shot-2017-02-03-at-4-22-48-pmIntention #7 HEALTH! Physical health and mental health. The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely & earnestly- Buddha. I found @nectarjuicery and tried the Leader 100% organic cold pressed unpasteurized juice and the Quinton pure marine plasma and I feel so energized and refreshed! I wish back home had this yummy healthy juice! Thank you to the lovely ladies at Nectar that helped me find the right one since there were so many to choose from! #nectarjuicery #leader #tohealth #cheers #selfcaredarebear #selfcaredare

Intention #7 part 2 Health physical and mental. Yoga fulfills both these needs now less pretend we are weightless… Try aerial yoga at @tantrafitness – aerial yoga foundations! ‘Most people have no idea how good their body is designed to feel’- Kevin Trudeau #tantrafitness #aerialyoga #vancouver #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #trysomethingnew #mala #malacollective

 screen-shot-2017-02-03-at-4-24-53-pmscreen-shot-2017-02-03-at-4-27-27-pmIntention #8 Creative freedom – Today was a very rainy day in Vancouver. Went out for a little bit but spent most of the day inside. I was admiring this orange tree that my grandma has had for over 33 years! I thought it would be great to display my beautiful new and old @malacollective gifts! #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #orangetree #creative #malacollective #surfer #dreamland #journey the funny thing is I was told my 2nd chakra is imbalanced and that is the orange chakra. Interesting how we know what is imbalanced or in a funk but you have to listen for the message ‘ I feel creative inspired joyful vibrant. I feel abundance all around me and within’ #LiveYourPractice

Intention #9 Family- today my brother and niece came for a visit. Spent the afternoon immersed in our Chinese heritage ‘Give the ones you love wings to fly root to come back and reasons to stay’ – Dalai Lama #chinesegardens #chinatown #yearoftherat #yearofthesnake #yearofthehorse #family #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear

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Intention #10 double digits mean double intention- Truth and Self Care. Self-care – ‘Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing the best you can’ I am really learning lots about myself on this trip. But I am still waking up with intense anxiety and panic attacks. I don’t know if it is because I miss my hubby and fur babes or if I’m overwhelmed because I’m trying to pack so much into my days in Vancouver. Whatever is going on I just had to tell myself I’m doing something and that’s what counts. I am trying and seeking personal growth and it does take time. Second intention Truth- ‘Be mindful of yourself talk. It’s a conversation with the universe’ today I walked down to a cafe and read my book ‘Buddha’s Brain- the practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom’. And then I did some journaling about the experiences and trying to find what is it I’m seeking. Self-forgiveness, self-love – acceptance and it was intense how much I had to write down. #pretendingnottoselfie #guiltyoftheselfie #buddhasbrain #selfcare #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #truth #journalling #cafeday #findingmyself

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Intention #11 Confidence!! 🙋🏻Some might think I’m confident and in some situations I  really am. But usually, I fret about if people like me or if a joke I told was as funny as I thought it was or if my makeup looks ok…. Specifically if my eyebrows match (I have a serious war with my eyebrows most days 😕) In the city of Vancouver where there are beautiful people all over, I just walked the walk and even in Stanley Park acted a little goofy to get this shot. I didn’t care I was taking self-timed selfies I was having fun! ‘ I am enough, fear is just a call for love. I have the strength, the knowledge, and the right intentions. I am confident. I am worthy and valuable. Today I choose to honour my beauty, my strength and my uniqueness’ @malacollective mantra #confidence #iamenough #goofyme #selfcare #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #stanleypark #seawall #vancouverseawall #citymeetstrees #LiveYourPractice

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Intention #12 Love 💙❤️ I basically ran up the driveway and jumped into the arms of my husband today! ‘Every moment, every glance, every thought and every word can be infused with love- Thich Nhat Hanh happy to be back home with these guys #peppy #dobby #@shawnminnie #hisandhers #ballhats #selfcare #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #iwouldwalkfivehundredmiles #roadtripbackhome

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Intention #13 Forgiveness ‘It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light’ – Buddha. And ‘no mud…. No lotus’ I am overwhelmed by the amount of positivity and love I have been receiving this past 2 weeks. This has been a hard journey and I felt I had to be completely honest with myself and since everyone has been so wonderful I can be honest with you all. I have spent many years battling anxiety and I was not diagnosed for a very long time. I got help and got better and then as you know I got married to an amazing man and we wanted to start our family. Started with a fatcat then a puppy and then we were expecting. It was such a great feeling and I loved it so much. Although this wasn’t what life had in store for us at this time. I had a miscarriage and I went through a whirl of emotions and trying to talk myself into it being ok. Honestly, when you find out you’re going to become a mother it is your life and you make plans for that new soul into your family. It doesn’t matter how many weeks you were. And after, I didn’t realize what was going on with me, my emotions, or my body. I was so stressed, and down my hair was falling out, I couldn’t sleep I was breaking out and it was all signs of me begging for help but I was determined to ‘be strong’ but it all caught up to me. I ignored myself! I hit my rock bottom. Today was allowing me to forgive myself. It is ok! This drawing is something I found today and it outlines exactly how I felt and what I am feeling and I am so overjoyed to see the upside of things. Which is this self-care dare journey!!!! I want to thank those that are supporting me! I love you and I feel I can see life how it should be now! I am getting better and that feels amazing #selfcare #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #miscarriageawareness #itsok #iamenough #iforgivemyself #nomudnolotus

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Intention #14 Freedom. I popped over to @booksandcompanypg and grabbed a couple of great reads ( ‘The Book of AWESOME, Bear Gryllis mud sweat and tears and a beautiful mess’ I noticed a lot of titles on my bookshelf are self-help and helping you overcome and I just wanted something fun. And I mean ‘the book of awesome’ how fitting!… ‘Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace- Buddha’ #selfcare #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #healing #findingtheawesome #1000awesomethings #booksandco

Intention #15 Compassion. ‘💙Love💖 & Compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive’- Dalai Lama …. ‘If you want others to be happy, practice compassion, if you want yourself to be happy, practice compassion’- Dalai Lama Yesterday Shawn and I went to the last wedding of 2015. It was so wonderful to see people that mean so much to us be so happy and share the day with us! Shawn and I really enjoyed the day and even Shawn couldn’t get off the dance floor. Jumping out of his seat and pulling me to dance! And then looking up to seeing the sky glittered with the most beautiful stars I think I have ever seen in my life! Happy memories were created #selfcare #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #mrandmrs #theminnies #love #compassion #beautifulbc

Screen Shot 2017-02-03 at 5.22.23 PM.pngScreen Shot 2017-02-03 at 5.23.39 PM.pngIntention #16 Journey ‘Travel far enough, you meet yourself’ – Cloud Atlas the book. Almost complete my self-care dare and it has been an incredible journey. I have become more aware of myself. My flaws, strengths, goal, dreams and a little bit of my life purpose. I want to learn from the past storms and pains and look forward and see the light and love of the future. (Not worry about the future) #lookingforward #selfcare #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear #beautifulbc #journey 📷: @shawn_minnie #nofilter #nikon

Intention #17 PERSONAL GROWTH! Wow I cannot believe where the past 17 days has taken me! From hiding out at home to the busy streets of Van to the refreshing Ancient Forests of Northern B.C. All the lessons I have come across has made this journey so incredibly powerful. ‘Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome’ – unknown and ‘The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there’ – Vince Landardi. Self Care Dare Bear Challenge: one of the best things I could have done for myself and I feel I want to continue it on a daily basis! Always growing like a tree. #selfcaredarebear #selfcaredare #selfcare #personalgrowth #growlikeatree #ancientforest #explorebc 📷: @shawn_minnie #didntknowiwasaseed

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Intention 18. Mindfulness. Just experienced the most enlightening yoga session! 2 hours of laughing, fun and yoga practice with @sufeychen and our group of beautiful people! I even did my first headstand!!!!!! A little support but baby steps are key! Amazing tonight! My heart chakra needed a little extra attention after a frustrating day, universe presented Rose Quartz and look my mat, it is pink, my top and even the little toes were piglet pink! Powerful and mindful practice #zenhappy #heartchakra #yoga #mindfulness #selfcare #selfcaredare #selfcaredarebear thank you for my new journal! I love the vintage cameras on the cover! #mantra #satanama got home and journaled a little 💖💕💙😜☺️🙏🏼 #ihavethisthingwithyogamats

And that was my first chapter of my Fertility Journey. The events that followed after really had a lot to do with the shaping and growth of the new me and I really am thankful for this opportunity. I know how busy life can become something that really stuck with me was that “You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup”

You have permission to take care of yourself. Love yourself.

Thank You

xoxo

Darrien

Yoga for Fertility

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The Universe is so great! It is amazing the magic that can happen when you open up your mind, body and spirit! When you start to dream and set goals and ask the Universe “What is possible for me?” It starts to open up and give us amazing opportunities, gifts and experiences.

I asked “What is possible for my Yoga Career? Who can I meet to learn from?” And one night I am browsing Instagram and I came across Bri from Fertile Alchemy. It started with a like on one of her posts and a comment to spark a conversation and a friend all the way in Texas, USA. The power of Social Media! It is very cool!

I am thrilled to share this amazing interview I had with Bri! It was a really great to be interviewed and asked these questions so I can share what I am so passionate about.

Yoga, Smiles, Fertility and Health!

I am so overwhelmed with the love and support from my last blog post Waiting for a Shot at Motherhood  I really felt the support and the love through all the stories shared. This past year I have been connecting with many, many amazing women. Doulas, Midwives, Yoga Instructors, Friends and Family to mention a few. All helping me in some shape or form on my fertility journey and inspiring me to help other women in the community with their fertility journey.

I loved all the information that I have learned about fertility health.

If you want more info you will have to read the blog! Enjoy the Blog and if you have any questions please feel free to comment below 🙂

Please Follow on Instagram | @fertilealchemy  and Read the blog here .. http://www.fertilealchemy.com/blog/ 

xoxo

Darrien

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Waiting for a Shot at Motherhood

| May 6th to 8th 2015 to 2016 Refection

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“Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.”
― Christine Caine

Friends, you have seen many of my posts about ‘no mud no lotus’ this has deep meaning for me personally. I knew last fall that I was a seed. Although I had no idea what I would grow into, what transformation I would go through for myself and who I am in this community.

As you know my husband and I had a miscarriage last year. And have been trying for a baby. I am not writing this post for sympathy. I just want women who are going through their fertility journey not feel alone while all these other amazing women around them celebrating Mother’s Day. I dream of motherhood and my baby so often, I understand all the thoughts and emotions that cycle through our busy minds. And I do believe that when the timing is right (Baby decides the time, not the parents!) families will grow and homes will be filled with giggles and cuddles.

May 6th to 8th- What an incredible weekend. Friend, let me tell you that I was not sure how this weekend would play out for me. But before I begin that I should tell you the significance of this weekend. So it’s like déjà Vu. This weekend last year I volunteered many hours to help organize the amazing event Leadercast, participated with my dental work crew the power of unity for the Relay for Life, then hosted a brunch for all the beautiful mamas in my family and then through that busy weekend I had 3 minutes to take a pregnancy test on Mother’s Day. 6 am I wasn’t sure if my eyes were playing tricks of if I saw those two lines!

And then fast forward a year of a deep self-discovery and finding my strength similar events occurred. I again volunteered for Leadercast, I didn’t have a chance to go to relay for life but I taught multiple yoga classes as well as my Yoga for Fertility and today spending the whole day with my mama and surrounding myself with Mother Nature and in my garden. Like I said I didn’t know how this weekend would go, would I break down? Would I choose to ignore and numb the emotions? Would I grieve?

Well today I just stayed pretty mindful and positive, I enjoyed the moments that I am given and I just focused on that mainly. A part of me was completely wishful that wouldn’t it be amazing to come full circle and find out I was pregnant on the exact same day. I am not going to hold my breath, I am going to keeping moving forward. I am going to keep my head high and reflect on my own strength as a woman and what I have been able to accomplish this year.

My loss of my baby was heartbreaking and left me in despair and yet I am so grateful for that event in my life. It showed me darkness and isolation only so I can see the amazing light inside myself and the resilience to grow and learn from my experience and share with others. Even though I still try to pack everything in my days and I work 4 jobs I do practice self-love, non-judgment, and self-care. I was given yoga and more knowledge about this amazing practice. I build a support system for those struggling with fertility in my community through my Yoga for Fertility series. My marriage and relationship with my husband and gone through tremendous growth and strengthen with the love and support. I have been given a year to improve myself and create my body, mind, and spirit for my future baby to call home.

I have not held my baby in my arms not met or felt my baby physically but spiritually I have seen them in my dreams and the love in my heart for my future baby is so strong and will continue to grow stronger. I am cultivating the love and all the best of myself to prepare for motherhood.

Again, beautiful ladies, you are not alone in your fertility journey! So many women can relate to all the ups and downs of a fertility journey. I am thinking of the women struggling with infertility, miscarriage and infant loss. You are never alone and you are so loved.

If you are reading this take a moment and close your eyes. Connect with your breath the inhales and exhales. Start to bring your thoughts to motherhood. Whether you are a mother currently or on your fertility journey. Allow the thought to turn into love. RICH DEEP LOVE. Your own beautiful motherly love. And exhale this love out to the world to your own family and to your future family.

I would love to hear from my readers feel free to comment or message me and share your story things that help you or any inspiring stories 🙂

Thank you!

Xoxo

-Darrien 

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What I Eat | Breakfast

Yummy Sunday morning breakfast!

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Smoothie |

Vanilla yogurt, hemp seeds, agave, raspberries, blueberries, frozen mango and ice ice baby!

Blended in a Vitamix

White Chocolate Banana Bread |
3 very ripe bananas, peeled
1/3 cup melted butter
1 cup of sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking soda
Pinch of salt
1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
Method
Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C), and butter a 4×8-inch loaf pan.
In a mixing bowl, mash the ripe bananas with a fork until smooth. Stir the melted butter into the mashed bananas.
Mix in the baking soda and salt. Stir in the sugar, beaten egg, and vanilla extract. Mix in the flour.
Pour the batter into your prepared loaf pan. Bake for 1 hour to 1 hour 10 minutes (check at 50 minutes) at 350°F (175°C), or until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean.
Remove from oven and cool completely on a rack. Remove the banana bread from the pan. Slice and serve. (A bread knife helps to make slices that aren’t crumbly.)

Thanks for the yummy recipe! See more at http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/banana_bread/#ixzz40pkuj718

 

Enjoy!

D.

Yogi Bubble Bath


Today I woke up with a very sore back and neck and oh gosh all my muscles hurt and were asking me “What did you do to us yesterday?!”

I was pretty happy that today at YTT we mainly spoke about yoga asana break down and not doing too much physical other than an intense and fun dance party last 15 minutes of shaking my ass-ana  😉

I returned home knowing tonight I am taking a bubble bath.
Relaxing Yogi Bubble Bath

What you need:

– Epsom salts (a handful)

– Baking soda (half a cup)

– Bubble bath (a splash)

– Essential oils (5 drops of lavender is always calming)

– Hot Water

– Apple Cider Vinegar (one cup)

Once a week draw up a lovely bath and soak for 20 minutes. This combo helps to draw out the toxins in your body and the Epsom salts fills your body minerals that your body releases when stressed. Also, lowers stress-related hormones and can balance the pH levels. Relaxing and replenishing!! I think my favorite part is submerging half my head in the water and sway my head in the water letting my hair float. It just reminds me of the little mermaid haha!

Self Care Dare: 

Try your own Yogi Bubble Bath! What essential oils do you like? How do you feel before, during and after?

Xoxo

Darrien